I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
