people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
