I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
