Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
