I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
