he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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