is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
