Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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