I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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