Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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