I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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