Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
