you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
