i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
