had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
