PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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