ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
