so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
