Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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