I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
