I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
