Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
