PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
