Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
