So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
