my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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