I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
