how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
