my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
