dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
