Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
