We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
