ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
