don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
