So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
