He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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