We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
