Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Enjoy the penises
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
