just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
