I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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