idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
