I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
