hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
