I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
