i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
