im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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