he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
