dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
MIDGETS
????
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
