This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
