At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
