If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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